New Year, Lots of New Changes.

Every year, I make New Year Resolutions. Well, there tend to be a few, and they tend to be the same. Generally they go, in no particular order:

Loose a couple of stones.
Make/Win/Steal lots of money - pay off mortgage.
Get+Stay Healhty.

This year, however, I didn't have to. (well, on the first one anyway).

B and I met ten years ago, at drama school, and have been great friends ever since. We fell in love during some mad Midsummer Night Rehearsal, during our last year at Drama School six years ago and moved in together shorthly after.
In 2009 our beautiful baby boy was born and now, in July next year, we're getting married!

To say that I was happy at the proposal is an understatement.
To say that I was darn pleased to see the amazing ring is also an understatement.

I always thought, in a sort of movie romantic kind-of-way, that I would be a sobbing wreck as my man got down on one knee to propose. That I would quietly whisper a yes to him and then sob some more. That didn't happen.

I did cry, but much later when my friends joined us and I could tell (scream in their faces) the happy news!

It was a perfect moment, of course. It's New Years Eve and fireworks are going off everwhere, we're standing next to each other on the balcony, looking at the sky when he gets down on one knee. He didn't even have time to finish his speech before I yell YES! YES! YES! and start jumping up and down. I did a lot of screaming. A lot.

It was definitely one of the highlights of my life so far.

So now: dress shopping, cake picking, mood boards, flower arrangements, card designs and lots and lots of glorius spreadsheets!

In February they finally removed my sodding gallbladder. It's been a long process but it's over now and I feel so much better.
Removing my gallbladder meant changing my diet which then also resulted in me loosing a stone half! (See - still going back to the NYE resolution?)

I can't stress this enough - if you keep having stomach pains/feeling bloated and they tell you that it's IBS and you still feel something isn't right - Please, please have it checked out. Demand to have an ultrasound right then and there!

2011 is definintely a good year.

Health

So it turns out I have a stone in my tummy.

I mean, I can't actually feel it moving about as such, but I know it's there. I've seen it. Live on TV!

Lying there on the familiar ultrasound chair, almost expecting the ultrasound-man to say "and there's the baby!" - I was really nervous as he was moving the stick-thingy around over my tummy.
The doctors had been running test all day, ranging from x-rays, EKG-ing and now this so I was knackered and worried.

The man grunts and nods slowly.
I almost panic. This is is. I have some weird, really unusal disease and I only have five hours to live...

The man looks at me blankly and goes:

"Yup. It's a stone alright."

I gasp and look at the black mass on the blurry screen.
In comparison to the gallbladder itself it's massive! I'm strangly impressed and repulsed at the same time.

"Do you think I need an operation?" I ask tentatively.

I didn't heal so well last time I was cut open and so I'm not exactly thrilled at the prospect.
He looks at the stone on the screen again.

"Yes. It's just going to get worse from now." he says plainly. "Alright, better get going now. Busy day today!"

I'm rushed out from the room and back to my ward for more testing. Nurses and doctors all come up to ask how I'm feeling and if I need more painkillers etc. Thruthfully, (part from feeling starving from the nil-by-mouth malarkey!), I felt fine. Just like normal even.

The difference, I suppose, was that I know knew that something is wrong. I had just seen it with my own eyes.

And that was a good feeling.

A few years ago I went to our family doctor back home complaning about stomach pains and bloating. I knew that something was wrong and I was desperate for someone to help me.
That particular doctor thought it may be gallstones, but he was also quick to add that "I'm too young for such illnesses." (Oh great. So glad to be the exception!)

I went to my GP and she was adamant that I had IBS. There was NO waaaaay I could have gallstones!
Now, I know people with IBS and I've read lots about it and some of them suffer so badly, they can't leave the house. My pains would come and and go, and completely random.
It didn't feel right somehow. I knew something was wrong!
So I asked again if she could send me for a scan. She almost laughed in my face and said, in a round-about way, that it would be a waste of everyone's time.

I soon after fell pregnant and my priorities changed. I would still have pains but was busy listening out for my baby.

My point of all that is - stick to your guns.

I mean it.

I should have done. I knew something was wrong. I wish I had followed my gut feeling (no pun intended!) and forced them to give me an ultrasound.

"If you have health, you probably will be happy, and if you have health and happiness, you have all the wealth you need, even if it is not all you want." ~Elbert Hubbard

Playground Ethics

There are some unwritten rules when it comes to the playground.

Basically - keep an eye on your offspring and make sure he/she doesn't wack/bite/push any other kids. Sounds simple, doesn't it?

Sadly, it doesn't always work like that.

I don't know how many times other children have pushed past my little angel in the queue up the climbing frame, making him fall over and bump his head.
I try and not make too much of a fuss - though I feel like shouting: "Oi! Don't push in you little brat!! Can't you see that there is a queue?! You need to learn to wait your turn! Do that again and I'll throw you in the duckpond!!.
Then I remember that the child is five and shouldn't be responsible for his/her actions really. Morever, I would only make him/her cry and that's awkward. Also, had had one too many coffees that morning so was sort of wired.

At the end of the day, it's up to their mum to control their little angel. However, ormally she'll be standing somewhere over by the gates gossiping with the other mums, completely oblivious to the drama her child is causing.

So through gritted teeth I ask (nicely mind!) the other child to mind Jackson as he's only little, etc, etc.
The monster in question then turns to me and says with pursed lips:
"Whatever. You're not my mum!"
Monster then turns around, pushes Jackson over again and runs over to the slide.

Aaaaand the new Olympic sport iiiiis: "Throw in-duck-pond with little four year oooold!"

If only.

The other rules, which includes queuing again, (Brits love a good queue, don't they?), regards the swings. Kids love them. Parents love them. So if your little darling is on one chances are there will be a long queue of other kids waiting to get on them.
But there are the are hoggers... There's not much we can do about them. This breed of parents seem absolutely oblivious to the long queue of children crying, "I waaant to goo on the swiiiiiiing!!".
Asides from actually pushing their child off the swings there is not much you can do part from asking them to hurry the hell on.

PLaygrounds are great for making your child run off all that energy and that - but it's mighty tireing for mum...

Mind you... It is a very good oppertunity to catch up on the gossip!

Photos

As a follow on from my earlier post - here are some wonderful photos all created with a handy little app...

Enjoy!

Work and play

We've been pretty busy lately trying to sort out our working sitation and I finally feel like where getting somewhere...

I love the feeling when the pieces of the puzzle comes together! It's been a struggle, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel - at last. If things go as planned next week, then we both could end working with jobs that we actually want to do...

Beacuse that is surely what life is about? Well, an aspect of at least. I'd like to think that work should reflect you and your character. That it should make you happy and proud.
I want to be able to say to my son that I'm doing something that I love and that I'm passionate about.

For me, it can't just be a job, it's who I am. It may sound like a cliche, but it's the truth.
I would not feel fulfilled and happy unless I was doing something I truly loved.

On another note, I've a relationship with my phone.

I know. It's ridiculous.

Apart from all the fun apps, the thing I love the most is that I can stay in touch with work all the time.
That is, however, also where the relationship borders on unhealthy.
There is a reason why people say you should be able to unwind and detach yourself but having an Iphone makes it impossible.

I'm sure, like with any new relationship this will eventually dwindle and the fire will sooner or later stop raging, but for now - it's definintely a passionate relationship.

Besides, if I do get this job then my iPhone is going to be my trusty ally so better keep feeding that fire...

"Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts."

It's strange when your parents cry.

You feel slightly awkward and weird and suddenly you are the one who tells you nice and comforting things. Maybe, like me, you feel like patting them on the back in a kinda "hang in there" gesture.
You want to take away their pain, but also, (perhaps because it feels slightly odd), you are a bit taken aback.
I mean - you are the child. You are the one who are meant to fall over and bruise your knee and then get cuddles from mummy.

But I wonder if it really is that plain? Surely it goes bothways? It may be strange, but when your parents need comforting and they can't go to their friends - should they come to you? Should you be a shoulder to cry on?

I have a very emotional Mother who never has shied away from displaying her emotions. I don't see this as a problem though, not at all. At least you will always know her true feelings!
My Father on the other hand... I don't know if I've ever seen him cry. At all. I thought I saw a tear at Grandad's funeral but maybe it was just my hazy eyesight, blurred from my own tears.

I don't find it hard to cry, in fact I do it quite often. More so after having our baby granted but nevertheless, I think I'm an emotional person. Like my Mother I explode and go ape immediately. I'm working on it though, and I try to not get into combat when riled as it always end up in tears. (Not mine though - mwhooohahhhaaa!)

For over two weeks time my Mother has called me and cried down the phone.
Sobbing...
She sometimes cries so much we can't have a conversation. Often I just let her cry and just sit there in silence.
She made a rash (and rather foolish) decision that she is now regretting.
I don't blame her, I would never have done what she did, and sadly, she knows that too now.
But what do you say?
She keeps asking what she should do... I don't know what to say. I'm angry that she didn't talk it through with us first.
I keep telling her that she is an emotional person and NEVER should make any decisions when angry/sad/elated...
I've learned this the hard way and perhaps she still needs to learn this...
But what do I do? Now, when it's done and she wishes it wasn't, and she CAN'T STOP crying?

All I can do is: say that it'll be alright.... That everything will be okay and that things are probably better this way... That what's done is done....

Problem is though, it's utter bollocks and just something you say...
I DON'T think it's for the better! Things ARE NOT better this way!

But of course I won't tell her that... My job is to comfort, to support, to soothe...

God knows that we're not perfect and we should recieve the support and love when we make mistakes.
It's something you say because you love them and you don't want to hear or see them suffer.

Back in the USSR!

Well, not really... Though it does feel a bit old and grey around here sometimes. Wouldn't go so far as to draw parallels to the Cold War though.

Things are pretty much back to normal and we're settling into our old routine. It was wonderful to see Brooks again and I can tell that Jackson's so happy to have daddy back in his life!

Not to mention that I am happy to get my lie-ins again! Admittedly - mum and dad helped out loads when we were in Sweden but it's different with your partner. It's kinda their job to give you a hand once and again, so you never have to feel bad about requesting a lie-in or two! (Though after a month away I have requested MANY lie-ins so far!!)

It was lovely to see our friends too and I realised that I've really missed them. We went around for a BBQ at Kirstie and Chris's house and stayed up for hours talking and drinking lager. Dom has grown SO much - it's incredible how much they change! In only a few weeks he almost looks like a completely different baby.

It's funny - it really isn't that long ago since Jackson was a baby but I've forgotten it all. People kept telling me that I would, but I somehow thought I would be different. Thruth is - You do! You forget how little they are, their needs and schedules, moods, the tiredness etc.

Speaking of little, we went over to Emma's house to see her newborn son Joe. He is so scrummy! And Emma looked amazing. Like, really amazing. She made it seem like a breeze to have two kids! She was all "nah, it's alright - nothing I can't handle, sort of thing."
Same with my other friend Alex actually. Now it must be said that little Rose is the kindest baby in the world, but when I saw her last week she didn't seemed fazed at all. She was all calm and seemed unbelievably happy. So refreshing!
I guess if you're a good mother to begin with, and settled and composed, then you there's nothing you can handle.
I just think of my sister who have brought up so many children and I never really appreciated how she made it all seem so easy. I'm sure it wasn't, but she never let anything on, not to me at least...

We are changing things in our house too. Just tonight Brooks is off getting our fireplace! Finally - yay!
We're also planning an Autumn clear out soon. Oh jolly, can't wait!