I should be writing but I can't seem to bring myself to get going. Actually there are tons of things I should be doing. J is having a little power nap and as I've already cleaned up the flat I thought I could get some me-time!
B has been really unwell all weekend. It started last week but escalated over the weekend and he was really poorly. It was unfortunate, and so typical. He also had to rehearse this Sunday so he was off all day. Luckily Farmor and Farfar babysat J so that I could clean up this mess!
The BAFTA'S are coming up soon. P and C are travelling over to see us which is great! I just hope that B can sort out tickets - it would be amazing! The Golden Globes are today so it'll be interesting to see where the awards go... I looooove watching the awards ceremony, it's so shiny and fake! Love it!
I really should get going with my writing.... Might just phone mum instead though for a little chat...
Monday, 18 January 2010
Thursday, 14 January 2010
Juggling things
My son is amazing. He was sat in the car all afternoon as I was taking T around the area to do leaflet drops. I didn't want to do it, but we have to get more kids to sign up to our school - so have no choice. Bless him, he was a bit upset at time and had enough at around four but we had managed to target most schools by then.
We'll have to do some more leafleting tomorrow, fingers crossed that they provide some interest!
It was B's birthday yesterday so his mum, stepdad and Granny came over and we all had a curry and watched the football. (Unfortunately Liverpool lost - darn!). It was lovely but by eleven thirthy we were both absolutely knackared! We had planned to watch a film but I think we'll have to wait until the weekend.
Actually - I think we all need a holiday. We're both so, so stressed and it's really taking its toll. I just hope that it'll all get sorted. We're meant to start on the 30th... Eeek!
I'm finding it hard to juggle everything at the moment. Looking after a baby is a full time job in itself and then having to sort stuff on the side is hard work. Mind you, if I intend to work from home I need to learn how to manage. B's having a mare at work too - so that's not helping.
It can only getbetter from here though right?
We'll have to do some more leafleting tomorrow, fingers crossed that they provide some interest!
It was B's birthday yesterday so his mum, stepdad and Granny came over and we all had a curry and watched the football. (Unfortunately Liverpool lost - darn!). It was lovely but by eleven thirthy we were both absolutely knackared! We had planned to watch a film but I think we'll have to wait until the weekend.
Actually - I think we all need a holiday. We're both so, so stressed and it's really taking its toll. I just hope that it'll all get sorted. We're meant to start on the 30th... Eeek!
I'm finding it hard to juggle everything at the moment. Looking after a baby is a full time job in itself and then having to sort stuff on the side is hard work. Mind you, if I intend to work from home I need to learn how to manage. B's having a mare at work too - so that's not helping.
It can only getbetter from here though right?
Wednesday, 13 January 2010
Birthday boy
They say that If you can't win then join.
Well, I don't think that's true. That would only put you on their level, which is not acceptable. That saying is only true when you are levelled with an opponent worthy of a fight. Or to put it simply, having a fight worth fighting over. If neither applies surely you spend the rest of the days ignoring them/it?
It is B's birthday today and after staying up till the small hours last night I was completely out of it. I mean, I hardly heard the baby monitor I was that tired!
It's been so tough not having Brooks around at all in the evenings - I'm completely shattered. (He has been rehearsing and working late every evening since Saturday).
I felt bad though as he didn't get his breakfast in bed however I promised I would make it up for him this weekend.
It's also very stressful with work as we're still trying to get this drama thing off the ground. I must somehow get the parents to realise what a great school we are... I'm running out of options!
We're hopefully going out tonight as his mum and stepdad are coming around to baby sit and this Saturday Jackson's godparents are babysitting. (although at this rate we may just go to bed at eight!)
Anyway, Saturday I have booked a table at the Clarendon! Yeay! We have been wanting to go for ages so I'm really looking forward to it.
Hubby seemed happy about his presents too - he got some Molton Brown stuff, Diesel perfume, a Gap jumper (from mum), a DVD and of course the dinner out on Saturday...
I must remember to pack the presents for niece's daughter and my sisters gang of kids. Jackson and I are back to Sweden on the 30th! I can't wait!
Bless mum - she rings everyday asking about Bubba. It's hard as she was so close to him, being the full time carer and now nothing. It's very hard for me too of course, as I miss her terribly, and I'm so glad we could have her.
We have started organising stuff for the Christening in early May.
Or, rather we have invited the Brits now! C, (aka the hairy Godmother), has been sorting stuff since September last year - bless her! She's been talking to the priest so she actually knows more than me at the moment!
Anyway, like I said we have extended the invite to our friends here in Britain.
So far quiet a few have said they are coming which is very exciting! We have a venue and now all I need to do is sort the flights/food/accommodation etc.
Most of our friends will stay with my family and friends in Sweden and the food will be supplied by my family too.
I just need to convince B that smorgas tarta is the way forward...
Well, I don't think that's true. That would only put you on their level, which is not acceptable. That saying is only true when you are levelled with an opponent worthy of a fight. Or to put it simply, having a fight worth fighting over. If neither applies surely you spend the rest of the days ignoring them/it?
It is B's birthday today and after staying up till the small hours last night I was completely out of it. I mean, I hardly heard the baby monitor I was that tired!
It's been so tough not having Brooks around at all in the evenings - I'm completely shattered. (He has been rehearsing and working late every evening since Saturday).
I felt bad though as he didn't get his breakfast in bed however I promised I would make it up for him this weekend.
It's also very stressful with work as we're still trying to get this drama thing off the ground. I must somehow get the parents to realise what a great school we are... I'm running out of options!
We're hopefully going out tonight as his mum and stepdad are coming around to baby sit and this Saturday Jackson's godparents are babysitting. (although at this rate we may just go to bed at eight!)
Anyway, Saturday I have booked a table at the Clarendon! Yeay! We have been wanting to go for ages so I'm really looking forward to it.
Hubby seemed happy about his presents too - he got some Molton Brown stuff, Diesel perfume, a Gap jumper (from mum), a DVD and of course the dinner out on Saturday...
I must remember to pack the presents for niece's daughter and my sisters gang of kids. Jackson and I are back to Sweden on the 30th! I can't wait!
Bless mum - she rings everyday asking about Bubba. It's hard as she was so close to him, being the full time carer and now nothing. It's very hard for me too of course, as I miss her terribly, and I'm so glad we could have her.
We have started organising stuff for the Christening in early May.
Or, rather we have invited the Brits now! C, (aka the hairy Godmother), has been sorting stuff since September last year - bless her! She's been talking to the priest so she actually knows more than me at the moment!
Anyway, like I said we have extended the invite to our friends here in Britain.
So far quiet a few have said they are coming which is very exciting! We have a venue and now all I need to do is sort the flights/food/accommodation etc.
Most of our friends will stay with my family and friends in Sweden and the food will be supplied by my family too.
I just need to convince B that smorgas tarta is the way forward...
Monday, 4 January 2010
Patience is a virtue
Vi far provningar varje dag sags det ju och jag tror nog att det stammer. Idag var min forsta dag tillbaka pa "jobbet". Mamma ar nu hemma i Sverige sa jag har inte langre hennes stod och jag kan lungt saga att vi saknar henne.
Jag vet att hon saknar oss ocksa och vi ses ju snart igen, men det ar jobbigt. Jag onskar ofta att vi bodde narmare, sa att vi kunde ses mer regelbundet, men for tillfallet sa ar det sa har. B och jag har forstars pratat om att bo i Sverige och det ar inte helt uteslutet. Han forstar hur viktigt det ar for mig att vara nara min familj - men sjalvklart sa ar det ju samma for honom.
Stackars mamma behover vila nu, hon fick jobba sa hart och aven om jag och B gjorde allt for att avlasta sa ar det ju fruktansvart tungt. Mamma ar inte langre ung, och hon har ont... Mamma har alltid varit varan klippa. Hon ar min allra basta van och vi pratar var dag men jag har nog inte insett hur mycket och hart hon jobbar.
Jag maste och ska gora allt jag kan att avlasta mamma, framforallt nu efter det som har hant.
Sa - idag var det Bubba och jag igen! Vi har bada akt pa en riktigt forskylning som givetvis gor livert surt, men det ar ju sa konstigt med tanke pa detta vader som inte kan bestamma sig for vad det vill.
T ringde och fragade om vi ville ga en svang och fika vilket var jatte trevligt. Jag har saknat mina "mammor" och det kanns skont att jag har dem. Hon har bjudit hem ganget pa fika imorgon. Jag ser fram emot att se dem alla och prata lite strunt!
Vi forsoker fortfarande att fa igang skolan men det ar tufft. Vi maste fa tillrackligt manga barn och det ser lite karvt ut. Det kanske far bli sa att vi far vanta nagra veckor till vilket ar helt piss!
Jag vill verkligen att det funkar. For det forsta sa ar det ju nagonting jag brinner for och for det andra sa skulle det bli en bra inkomst... Hall tummar!
B har fatt en tidig fodelsedags present - blu ray! Han ar jatteglad! Nasta steg blir att kopa en stor LED tv men det far nog bli nasta manad. Jag menar, vem i hela varlden har pengar i januari?
Jag vet att hon saknar oss ocksa och vi ses ju snart igen, men det ar jobbigt. Jag onskar ofta att vi bodde narmare, sa att vi kunde ses mer regelbundet, men for tillfallet sa ar det sa har. B och jag har forstars pratat om att bo i Sverige och det ar inte helt uteslutet. Han forstar hur viktigt det ar for mig att vara nara min familj - men sjalvklart sa ar det ju samma for honom.
Stackars mamma behover vila nu, hon fick jobba sa hart och aven om jag och B gjorde allt for att avlasta sa ar det ju fruktansvart tungt. Mamma ar inte langre ung, och hon har ont... Mamma har alltid varit varan klippa. Hon ar min allra basta van och vi pratar var dag men jag har nog inte insett hur mycket och hart hon jobbar.
Jag maste och ska gora allt jag kan att avlasta mamma, framforallt nu efter det som har hant.
Sa - idag var det Bubba och jag igen! Vi har bada akt pa en riktigt forskylning som givetvis gor livert surt, men det ar ju sa konstigt med tanke pa detta vader som inte kan bestamma sig for vad det vill.
T ringde och fragade om vi ville ga en svang och fika vilket var jatte trevligt. Jag har saknat mina "mammor" och det kanns skont att jag har dem. Hon har bjudit hem ganget pa fika imorgon. Jag ser fram emot att se dem alla och prata lite strunt!
Vi forsoker fortfarande att fa igang skolan men det ar tufft. Vi maste fa tillrackligt manga barn och det ser lite karvt ut. Det kanske far bli sa att vi far vanta nagra veckor till vilket ar helt piss!
Jag vill verkligen att det funkar. For det forsta sa ar det ju nagonting jag brinner for och for det andra sa skulle det bli en bra inkomst... Hall tummar!
B har fatt en tidig fodelsedags present - blu ray! Han ar jatteglad! Nasta steg blir att kopa en stor LED tv men det far nog bli nasta manad. Jag menar, vem i hela varlden har pengar i januari?
Monday, 21 December 2009
Julen är härlig ändå
Tillbaka i Sverige igen, vad skönt det känns! Resan över var en mardröm. Vårat flyg blev omdirigerat till Arlanda och det tog minst en timma att endast få vårat bagage. Minst sagt så var min ömma moder vid bristningsgränsen och jag kan väl erkänna att jag inte var någon sol stråle heller. Stackars pappa fick köra upp till Stockholm och sen vidare till Arlanda!
Det är konstigt ändå Julen. Alla samlas och man ska försöka samsas och ha det trevligt. Man ler och säger snälla saker och drömmer om klapparna under granen...
Men det är väl ändå märkligt att man inte kan samsas året runt?
Nu är väl ändå inte jag världsbäst på allt detta "var snäll mot alla" - är någon dum så är de, men jag kan lära mig att tolerera. Carin säger alltid att jag är som en öppen bok och det har ju skapat problem i livet.
Jag fick en prövning häromdagen när jag träffade en av mina mammor. Vi är en grupp tjejer som träffas regelbundet och simmar/fikar/går ut och käkar eller tar en krog runda och givetvis så pratar vi ofta om våra barn. Vi alla fick barn ungefär samtidigt så vi har mycket gemensamt.
Men en av dessa tjejer kan inte prata om någonting annat än hennes unge. Missförstå mig inte - han är jättesöt och visst är det underbart att vara mamma men jag har ju inte dött och återuppstått som Super Mum.
Det har nog den här tjejen. Hon har läst alla böcker, han den nyaste Bugaboon, har alla Annabel Karlmel böcker plus diverese köks redskap (till en baby??!), de tuffaste leksaker och har precis inköpt en mega stor Chelsea traktor. (Land Rover Discovery - reds. anmk).
Jag vet vad vissa av er tänker: Den enda sanna Svenska känslan? Nej. Aldrig i livet.
Sure, så lyan kunde vara större - men den är VÅR. Vi har kanske inte de nyast "It" leksaker, men i sanningens namn så leker Jackson bäst med sin blåa plastmugg. (10 kronor pa "Poundland"). Vi har en fin bil som rullar och som jag, framförallt parkera lätt med och for the rest - Who cares?
Som sagt, denna tjej prata inte om någonting annat än denna lilla unge. Vad han åt till frukost. Hur jobbigt det har varit med tänderna som kommer/inte kommer. Vad hans favvo låt pa radio är (?), hur mycket han har växt sen sist vi sågs, hur känslig hans hud är, vilket fint hår han har/fin frisyr, när han ska på kontroll, vad som hände på kontroll... Asså, byt skiva.
Nu tror ni kanske att jag inte tycker om henne. Det gör jag faktiskt. Hon är jättesnäll. Fruktansvärt givmild och du kan lita på henne i vått och torrt. Hon är gör-kul efter en flarra vin. Men problemet är att hennes son är hennes hela liv just nu och hon har tappat bort sig själv lite.
Jag trivs med att vara mamma. Verkligen älskar att vara mamma. Men jag älskar att vara Jag och vill fortfarande prata om sådant som intresserade mig innan.
Det är konstigt ändå Julen. Alla samlas och man ska försöka samsas och ha det trevligt. Man ler och säger snälla saker och drömmer om klapparna under granen...
Men det är väl ändå märkligt att man inte kan samsas året runt?
Nu är väl ändå inte jag världsbäst på allt detta "var snäll mot alla" - är någon dum så är de, men jag kan lära mig att tolerera. Carin säger alltid att jag är som en öppen bok och det har ju skapat problem i livet.
Jag fick en prövning häromdagen när jag träffade en av mina mammor. Vi är en grupp tjejer som träffas regelbundet och simmar/fikar/går ut och käkar eller tar en krog runda och givetvis så pratar vi ofta om våra barn. Vi alla fick barn ungefär samtidigt så vi har mycket gemensamt.
Men en av dessa tjejer kan inte prata om någonting annat än hennes unge. Missförstå mig inte - han är jättesöt och visst är det underbart att vara mamma men jag har ju inte dött och återuppstått som Super Mum.
Det har nog den här tjejen. Hon har läst alla böcker, han den nyaste Bugaboon, har alla Annabel Karlmel böcker plus diverese köks redskap (till en baby??!), de tuffaste leksaker och har precis inköpt en mega stor Chelsea traktor. (Land Rover Discovery - reds. anmk).
Jag vet vad vissa av er tänker: Den enda sanna Svenska känslan? Nej. Aldrig i livet.
Sure, så lyan kunde vara större - men den är VÅR. Vi har kanske inte de nyast "It" leksaker, men i sanningens namn så leker Jackson bäst med sin blåa plastmugg. (10 kronor pa "Poundland"). Vi har en fin bil som rullar och som jag, framförallt parkera lätt med och for the rest - Who cares?
Som sagt, denna tjej prata inte om någonting annat än denna lilla unge. Vad han åt till frukost. Hur jobbigt det har varit med tänderna som kommer/inte kommer. Vad hans favvo låt pa radio är (?), hur mycket han har växt sen sist vi sågs, hur känslig hans hud är, vilket fint hår han har/fin frisyr, när han ska på kontroll, vad som hände på kontroll... Asså, byt skiva.
Nu tror ni kanske att jag inte tycker om henne. Det gör jag faktiskt. Hon är jättesnäll. Fruktansvärt givmild och du kan lita på henne i vått och torrt. Hon är gör-kul efter en flarra vin. Men problemet är att hennes son är hennes hela liv just nu och hon har tappat bort sig själv lite.
Jag trivs med att vara mamma. Verkligen älskar att vara mamma. Men jag älskar att vara Jag och vill fortfarande prata om sådant som intresserade mig innan.
Tuesday, 13 October 2009
House move
The good old moving house business is rapidly approaching and I can honestly say that I'm NOT looking forward to it. On the contrary - I would like to buy a ticket to Thailand, lie on a beach and wait for everything to magically sort itself out.... Yeah. Like that's going to happen!
The actual move isn't the problem - we've got it covered and have so many people helping us - but it's the moving in that's worrying me. See, this is the first time I've bought a house and suddenly there are tons of issues to sort out. Our new flat has carpets, something which I hate with a passion, so these need to come out. In order for us to do that, we need to plan to go in beforehand and assess the situation and planning is not something that comes easily to my dear boyfriend.
Love him to bits, but he's more of a "moment - to - moment kinda guy" and I'm more of a planner.
Nevertheless, I'm sure we'll get somewhere soon. At least I hope so. My poor mother (who is an EXTREME planner), is stressing and keeps repeating that I: "must have nerves of steel" and "tons of patience"... This, however, is driving me mad too as I'm trying to mediate and reassure her.
On top of all this I'm trying to do my job (and it's been hard to adjust back to a working life!) and I'm trying to be a mum, and furthermore - we're trying to open a brand new drama school in January 2010.
I must be a sadomasachist.
The actual move isn't the problem - we've got it covered and have so many people helping us - but it's the moving in that's worrying me. See, this is the first time I've bought a house and suddenly there are tons of issues to sort out. Our new flat has carpets, something which I hate with a passion, so these need to come out. In order for us to do that, we need to plan to go in beforehand and assess the situation and planning is not something that comes easily to my dear boyfriend.
Love him to bits, but he's more of a "moment - to - moment kinda guy" and I'm more of a planner.
Nevertheless, I'm sure we'll get somewhere soon. At least I hope so. My poor mother (who is an EXTREME planner), is stressing and keeps repeating that I: "must have nerves of steel" and "tons of patience"... This, however, is driving me mad too as I'm trying to mediate and reassure her.
On top of all this I'm trying to do my job (and it's been hard to adjust back to a working life!) and I'm trying to be a mum, and furthermore - we're trying to open a brand new drama school in January 2010.
I must be a sadomasachist.
Saturday, 10 October 2009
Working week over!
Phew! That was my first week at work over - Thank God!
It hasn't been that hard really, but it is tricky to get your head around being back on the tube, suited and booted, and sitting in front of a computer all day. I hated commuting before and I still do although there's a vital and significant difference - I can read a book. Undisturbed!?
Thankfully, my colleauges are lovely so time passed quickly but unfortunatley they seem to think that I know exactly what to do!
I understand now why people tend to start tentatively, as it's a total shock to the system! I couldn't remember a thing and had to go over all the database shortcodes, passwords, keys, finance stuff etc.. I guess I'll get there eventually, but it'll take time.
Now anyone who knows me that I'm not a patient person so I tend to beat myself up if I "don't get it" straight away... Suppose I need to learn just to breathe and take a step back.
I've been thinking a lot about how I've changed actually. Especially how Jackson has contributed to these changes. He has learned me respect and I think I'm more patient and together person now... Maybe it's motherhood in general, I don't know, but either way - it's a positive change!
It's a strange feeling to suddenly be back in the "old me". I like that person, but as I've changed it feels rather as if I'm looking from the outside - in.
But God - how I miss him when I'm away....
It hasn't been that hard really, but it is tricky to get your head around being back on the tube, suited and booted, and sitting in front of a computer all day. I hated commuting before and I still do although there's a vital and significant difference - I can read a book. Undisturbed!?
Thankfully, my colleauges are lovely so time passed quickly but unfortunatley they seem to think that I know exactly what to do!
I understand now why people tend to start tentatively, as it's a total shock to the system! I couldn't remember a thing and had to go over all the database shortcodes, passwords, keys, finance stuff etc.. I guess I'll get there eventually, but it'll take time.
Now anyone who knows me that I'm not a patient person so I tend to beat myself up if I "don't get it" straight away... Suppose I need to learn just to breathe and take a step back.
I've been thinking a lot about how I've changed actually. Especially how Jackson has contributed to these changes. He has learned me respect and I think I'm more patient and together person now... Maybe it's motherhood in general, I don't know, but either way - it's a positive change!
It's a strange feeling to suddenly be back in the "old me". I like that person, but as I've changed it feels rather as if I'm looking from the outside - in.
But God - how I miss him when I'm away....
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