Photos

As a follow on from my earlier post - here are some wonderful photos all created with a handy little app...

Enjoy!

Work and play

We've been pretty busy lately trying to sort out our working sitation and I finally feel like where getting somewhere...

I love the feeling when the pieces of the puzzle comes together! It's been a struggle, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel - at last. If things go as planned next week, then we both could end working with jobs that we actually want to do...

Beacuse that is surely what life is about? Well, an aspect of at least. I'd like to think that work should reflect you and your character. That it should make you happy and proud.
I want to be able to say to my son that I'm doing something that I love and that I'm passionate about.

For me, it can't just be a job, it's who I am. It may sound like a cliche, but it's the truth.
I would not feel fulfilled and happy unless I was doing something I truly loved.

On another note, I've a relationship with my phone.

I know. It's ridiculous.

Apart from all the fun apps, the thing I love the most is that I can stay in touch with work all the time.
That is, however, also where the relationship borders on unhealthy.
There is a reason why people say you should be able to unwind and detach yourself but having an Iphone makes it impossible.

I'm sure, like with any new relationship this will eventually dwindle and the fire will sooner or later stop raging, but for now - it's definintely a passionate relationship.

Besides, if I do get this job then my iPhone is going to be my trusty ally so better keep feeding that fire...

"Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts."

It's strange when your parents cry.

You feel slightly awkward and weird and suddenly you are the one who tells you nice and comforting things. Maybe, like me, you feel like patting them on the back in a kinda "hang in there" gesture.
You want to take away their pain, but also, (perhaps because it feels slightly odd), you are a bit taken aback.
I mean - you are the child. You are the one who are meant to fall over and bruise your knee and then get cuddles from mummy.

But I wonder if it really is that plain? Surely it goes bothways? It may be strange, but when your parents need comforting and they can't go to their friends - should they come to you? Should you be a shoulder to cry on?

I have a very emotional Mother who never has shied away from displaying her emotions. I don't see this as a problem though, not at all. At least you will always know her true feelings!
My Father on the other hand... I don't know if I've ever seen him cry. At all. I thought I saw a tear at Grandad's funeral but maybe it was just my hazy eyesight, blurred from my own tears.

I don't find it hard to cry, in fact I do it quite often. More so after having our baby granted but nevertheless, I think I'm an emotional person. Like my Mother I explode and go ape immediately. I'm working on it though, and I try to not get into combat when riled as it always end up in tears. (Not mine though - mwhooohahhhaaa!)

For over two weeks time my Mother has called me and cried down the phone.
Sobbing...
She sometimes cries so much we can't have a conversation. Often I just let her cry and just sit there in silence.
She made a rash (and rather foolish) decision that she is now regretting.
I don't blame her, I would never have done what she did, and sadly, she knows that too now.
But what do you say?
She keeps asking what she should do... I don't know what to say. I'm angry that she didn't talk it through with us first.
I keep telling her that she is an emotional person and NEVER should make any decisions when angry/sad/elated...
I've learned this the hard way and perhaps she still needs to learn this...
But what do I do? Now, when it's done and she wishes it wasn't, and she CAN'T STOP crying?

All I can do is: say that it'll be alright.... That everything will be okay and that things are probably better this way... That what's done is done....

Problem is though, it's utter bollocks and just something you say...
I DON'T think it's for the better! Things ARE NOT better this way!

But of course I won't tell her that... My job is to comfort, to support, to soothe...

God knows that we're not perfect and we should recieve the support and love when we make mistakes.
It's something you say because you love them and you don't want to hear or see them suffer.

Back in the USSR!

Well, not really... Though it does feel a bit old and grey around here sometimes. Wouldn't go so far as to draw parallels to the Cold War though.

Things are pretty much back to normal and we're settling into our old routine. It was wonderful to see Brooks again and I can tell that Jackson's so happy to have daddy back in his life!

Not to mention that I am happy to get my lie-ins again! Admittedly - mum and dad helped out loads when we were in Sweden but it's different with your partner. It's kinda their job to give you a hand once and again, so you never have to feel bad about requesting a lie-in or two! (Though after a month away I have requested MANY lie-ins so far!!)

It was lovely to see our friends too and I realised that I've really missed them. We went around for a BBQ at Kirstie and Chris's house and stayed up for hours talking and drinking lager. Dom has grown SO much - it's incredible how much they change! In only a few weeks he almost looks like a completely different baby.

It's funny - it really isn't that long ago since Jackson was a baby but I've forgotten it all. People kept telling me that I would, but I somehow thought I would be different. Thruth is - You do! You forget how little they are, their needs and schedules, moods, the tiredness etc.

Speaking of little, we went over to Emma's house to see her newborn son Joe. He is so scrummy! And Emma looked amazing. Like, really amazing. She made it seem like a breeze to have two kids! She was all "nah, it's alright - nothing I can't handle, sort of thing."
Same with my other friend Alex actually. Now it must be said that little Rose is the kindest baby in the world, but when I saw her last week she didn't seemed fazed at all. She was all calm and seemed unbelievably happy. So refreshing!
I guess if you're a good mother to begin with, and settled and composed, then you there's nothing you can handle.
I just think of my sister who have brought up so many children and I never really appreciated how she made it all seem so easy. I'm sure it wasn't, but she never let anything on, not to me at least...

We are changing things in our house too. Just tonight Brooks is off getting our fireplace! Finally - yay!
We're also planning an Autumn clear out soon. Oh jolly, can't wait!

New Additions

My family is growing!

I'm now an auntie again (for the 10th time!) and great aunt for the second, so I think I'm getting pretty good at this.

Little Charlie is big and snuggly, with lots of dark hair! I got plenty of cuddles and he was so nice to me and didn't cry once! Good lad!
Bro seemed like he was coping well with being a father of two. It can't be easy and I don't envy him! Though he has always had a good way with kids, they always love him, and I've no doubt he will settle in just fine.
Charlie was all but fresh from the hospital and it was lovely that I got to see the little bundle!

I met my Great nephew for the first time this week and he is an adorable little boy. He seemed to really like me too and flattered my ego with plenty of smiles and giggles. Another good lad!

All this baby business made me think of timings though.

There's that saying: "There's never a good time to have a baby!".

How does one know? I mean, what should one actually base this on?

Should you base it on your financial situation?
Can you actually afford another mouth to feed, nappies to be bought, an abundance of baby parahanelia to be purchased and invade your life and home?
Don't get me started on buggy prices!

Or perhaps you base it on your private life. Are you happy and content?
Having children, however lovely, does put a massive strain on your relationship. There are bound to be cracks and if there were some before then they may get even bigger.
On the other hand they may not - I have friends who say that their relationship changed for the better immediately after childbirth.
Then your home itself.. Have you got space? I never really consider this at first. I mean, how much space can a child take up right? The answer is: more space than you will ever have.

Then there's your career to consider.
Regardless of your profession and your arrangements at home - the woman is more likely to stay at home for the most part, if not for the whole part.
It is very hard to get back into the rat race and for someone like me, in the ever- searching-youth-elixir field then the clock is always against you.
There's only so much time I can take off in order not to fall off the bandwagon. Or choose to stay off.
However much I love acting and writing, my priorities have undoubtedly changed.

If it's your second then timings are crucial - especially as you have to factor in your firstborn. This is a whole different ballgame alltogether.
Do you go for the two year gap or the three year gap? Or do you wait even longer? Or, as for some of my friends, as little as a year?
You want to make sure that your first child isn't neglected when they baby arrives but also give space for number two to grow and feel special...

I guess, in the end, you just have to go with what feels best for you.
Perhaps there's never a good time. But then, maybe there's never a bad time either?

Photos!

I received some lovely, belated birthday gifts from my family, all very useful, nice and very generous, but I'm really excited about one of these:

I'm going to have some professional photos done!
Not for me mind you, but for Jackson. I've wanted to have these kind of photos done for absolutely ages so I'm tres excited!
My niece had some done of her daughter and they were beautiful.

Check out her website: http://annasphotography.blogg.se/

We had some studio photos done of Jackson when he was six months old so seems rather fitting that we take some outside ones now.

We're meant to meet this Sunday in a park in Norrköping so I'll update the blogg as and when I get the photos back.

I'm going to see my mini-nephew Levi today and I'm so excited! Can't wait to give him a snuggle! I've seen his photos on Facebook and he's super cute!

Also - completely unrelated - but I was asked to provide an I.D today when I wanted to buy cigarettes. Still have it, don't I?

;-)

Scotland

So we're finally back in Sweden and it feels great. What a relief!

We came home via Edinburgh, which must be one of the most beautiful cities in the world, which we had been visiting for the notorious Edinburgh Fringe Festival.
Mum, Jackson and I were exploring the city and surroundings whilts Brooks was preparing for a month long stint at the Theatre Festival with "Rule of Three" and "Brooks and Boris".

We went on a coach trip to Glasgow, Loch Lomond and Sterling (and it's stunning castle!). It was a breath-taking tour and really did open up my eyes to the unspoiled beauty of Scotland.
For those of you who are not familiar with the Edinburgh festival - check it out: http://www.edfringe.com/

We had a great time, and it was a welcomed break after a week of teaching dance and drama at Summer school.
Summer school was a success, albeit a LOT of work! I was absolutely shattered at the end of it...
It was definitely worth it though and the kids did ever so well at their show. I was very proud!
Mum was over baby sitting and they had such a lovely time together. He was so happy to see her and they where out walking around the park every day.

Once in Sweden my dear family have been visiting us and Jackson has been spoiled rotten! It's been fantastic seeing them all and I realise how much I actually miss them.
Mum and dad have been helping out loads with Jackson so that I can have lie-ins and I'm so grateful. It's hard taking care of a child on your own so any help is welcomed!
I got to sleep in to eleven the other day! Eleven! (My family and old friends will say that I always used to sleep that long... Definintely pre-baby!!)

Check out the photos from Scotland!